Be kind to yourself. You come first. Even though your circumstances might be looking grim at the moment, this thing doesn’t have to beat you down unless you allow it to.
When this happened to me, I thought my life was over. I considered ending my life. I fell into a profound depression. But now, not too much later, I feel strong and confident. I have my own home. My career is flying. I’m probably closer to my children than ever before.
Remember, so many people still rely on you.
Children. Friends. Family members. Work colleagues.
Your relationship might be coming apart, but you need to stay in one piece. You need to keep functioning.
If I could give you only one piece of advice, it would be this: talk.
Tell someone what’s going on. Confide in somebody. Tell them honestly how you’re feeling.
The worst part of a break-up for men can be the feeling of being alone. Women are very good at reaching out to each other for support. Women tell each other what’s happening in their lives. Every time your ex-partner talks to you from now on, it will be with the benefit of a full brainstorming session with the girls and that’s the sort of support you need too.
If I could give you a second piece of advice, it would be this: don’t swallow the bullshit. Women seem to be genetically programmed to go on the offensive, and you’ll probably be subjected to a litany of accusations concerning your inadequacy as a parent, a man and a human being. This is normal, because most women are unable to imagine that they might have any responsibility for a relationship going wrong. Don’t take these accusations to heart. After a while, when things calm down a bit, your partner will realise it was wrong to say such things about you.
Most men feel guilty and believe the propaganda thrown at them. They start to believe they’re worthless insensitive brutes. You know better than anyone else what sort of man you are. Trust yourself, not the barbs of a woman who wants to blame you for everything going wrong.
The last bit of advice for today is this: you have the same rights in law as your partner. Before you walk out the door, ask yourself why your ex-partner shouldn’t leave instead. Aren’t you as good a parent? Aren’t you an equal owner of the home? Didn’t you work for all this just as hard as your ex did?
Don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s always the man who has to leave. Walking out like that is the first step towards living on beans and toast in some shitty bedsit.
